had a crappy fist day at work

yes, it was awful! I had NO IDEA of what I was doing!! I kept getting calls I didn't know what to do, I was in panic, I wrote down everything and said I was going to send their money back, redelivery, whatever the system told me to, but have no idea if I actually did!?
I scored a 100 in all the training tests, but those where nothing compared to actually taking calls!
I left the place horrified, I felt like a big failure, and the worst part is that I am dreading the time to go back for another 5 hours of hell!!
I might be exaggerating , but I feel like I dont need to go thru all that but I don't want to be a quitter though by this thoughts I already am!! It never crossed my mind that it would be so hard!
Jesus!!! Help me!!!!!

Ok, I took a little time while writing this post, and decided I'm going to face my fears, at least for today, maybe it will be better right? (please God make it better!!). I don't want to feel like a loser and regret the fact that I didn't try. (big sigh...) Let's do this.

And for a personal record... Silvia Navarro my fav actress inspired me not to give up on this kind of issues.

FFF - MEMORIES!

So... this is a perfect timing for this post, since my baby's 2nd birthday is coming next week!
I have a ton of pictures from baby Angie and I lost another ton when my desktop computer broke, so even when I was the one taking her pictures most of the time, and she was the one looking gorgeous and I was the one looking awful or just waking up in the morning... I will try to find the better looking ones :)

These are some of my favorites:

She was about 3 months old here, look at that tiny little thing, how I miss those times :'(
And look and her hair! It took a long time to get it down xD

She started making that wrinkly nose right before her mommy came for her and it was all her and her happiness.

This is christmas 2007, with matching hats

She used to loved those bells so I used to take her to the door and make them sound for her.

visiting grandma and hanging out with cousin Diego

Here's my cutie

I think I look like a momma in this one lol!
I miss my baby!!

I could not Believe it!

Last wednesday and went out with my mom (since I am on vacation!) to drop my sister to work, traffic was horrible and on our way back we called my dad to see if he would like to go and eat lunch with us, his office is in the way so it sounded like a good idea. Too bad he wasn't there so we headed to my grandma's whose house is near there too.
She invited us for lunch and after a couple of hours we headed home. For some reason I ended up with a bad migraine, took and aspirine and went to sleep for a little while.

About an hour later my mom wakes me up and says "you have a call from the radio", I was half asleep and my head still hurt but I managed to answer the phone and a guy tell me that they need me to show up at the radio to pick up my "prize".
As you may remember I participated in a radio contest like a week ago, and then I got and LG bag with some gifts that I totally thought were my so called PRIZE.
I said I was going to be there the next day to pick it up. I was not feeling nevious at all like the first time because I had already been there before and I guessed I wouldn't have to sing again.

Turns out I couldn't be more wrong, I showed up a little late and they get me in the radio cabin and started broadcasting right away, I was there to compete against a girl who had won the week before I did!
Gosh! as soon I got in there I felt sooo nervious! I guess I just wasn't ready for that, I had to pick a song and sing it in the next 15 minutes! :S (I am so lucky to have a mom that would love to see us performing in a stage and made me practice about 4 songs just in case the final contest took place anytime soon!)

So I sang my song, meet another famous guy who participated in a mexican reality show representing Guate (he is a cutie! ;) and guess what??
I WON AGAIN!!

They gave me a LG cell phone! with camera, FM radio, MP3 player and Voice recorder.
I know it is not such a big thing but my current cell phone its soo simple compared to that!
(I keep loosing them so my dad refused to buy something better for me, besides it's so common to be robbed around here)
I couldn't be more happy and thankful! I have never had such a phone and though it doesn't have all of the top technology it's good enough for me :)

Now on to the pics!

One Year Ago...

Around this time of the year...My mom and I headed to the Westin to place my beloved Angelina in her mom's arms.

I remember it just as if it was yesterday. My heart was in pieces, the day before I just couldn't stop crying! As I didn't want to scare the hell out of Angie I hid in my bathroom crying for a long time but then it was bedtime and as I always put her to bed she wanted me there, she wouldn't go to sleep with my mom. So I came out and I hated that she had to see me like that. Seriously I COULDN'T STOP CRYING!

Anyway, we had already planned to meet with my dear baby's mommy before the actual date of the pick up, so Angie would have more time to know her new family and it would not be so traumatic. Well, dr. montiel gave us a little extra help, and everything turned out to be not so much of a secret as it would have had to be. He actually advise the agency to do exactly what we had planned to do, because according to him, Angie didn't manage new experiences very well. He said she got stiff and cried a lot.
Well, the truth is Angelina is a very smart baby and every time she had a dr. appointment she knew she was going to get a shot or a not so pleasant time with him. In little words that man scared the Hell out of her every time! Of course she would react like that! + She only did that when she was around him and not with any other person.

At the end, everything went incredibly well and Angie bonded great with her mommy and there was not one tear in the first day, that day she came home with us, the next day was the hardest of all, she would have to stay with her mommy forever.
And guess what? She did GREAT! She didn't cry at all, stayed with her mommy and played with her in the pool and eat very well. My heart was hurting but I was so happy because now I knew for sure she was going to be ok.
Somehow my mom and I managed not to cry (too much) in this whole time. To me it was truly God's hand because we were devastated.

In the third day, I had to leave due to a field work in a remote village in Puerto Barrios, I know, that came in terrible timing and of course I didn't want to leave.
This is another reason I believe God was right with us, otherwise it would have been just way too much for me to handle. I still called the hotel room everyday to check on my sweet baby. And yes, I did cry in those times but anyway Angie wasn't looking at me. Every time she was calm and just being her perfect self and that made my family feel a lot better.

To this day, we miss her as if we had to say goodbye just yesterday. And we thank her mommy sooooo much for letting us have some updates and pictures. That is just priceless and it can fill our hearts with joy.
My mom and I are determined to get our visas somehow and visit her as soon as possible. We really want her to know how loved she was here and that in our hearts she is and will always be our beloved baby girl forever.

In this one we were waiting in that little living room in the lobby for her mommy and Marielena to show up. (Did you know the agency or maybe just Marielena doesn't allow the foster mother or foster families to be in this area? Man! You could get some very bad stares or words if you were there). Can you tell we have some very fake smiles?

This is my beautiful baby girl just before we left the house. We picked this dress for her on that special day. She looked so darn cute! The shoes stayed off until the last minute lol

p.s. it took me almost a week to be able to post this. At first the tears wouldn't let me and then it was hard to find time to sit and type and look up for the pictures :s

Strocked by memories

that is exactly how I felt today, it happens quite often actually, it's just that a ton of memories from Angelina and our time together come back to my mind and I just feel this huge urge to hold her and hug her or just hang around her as I used to. And all this tears come running to my eyes, it's hard not to cry. I am a very emotional person so... I just can't hide my feelings!
It hit me hard today, after we turned on the digital player and seeing all of her pictures.
Angelina was my joy, I remember when she was here I just didn't want to spend my time with anyone else. Anything else seemed as special as being there just watching her grow up and learn.
Especially because I knew that any day she would be gone and only God knows how much time it's going to be until I can see her and hug her again!
It is going to be a year since she was taken to her forever home next March. I can't believe it's been that long... I still miss her so much!
I am sorry for being so corny.... It is just that... I can't help it! that's what is in my heart